Reactivating Faith

"Audacious faith starts with sanctified naivete. There's an unquestioning optimism that comes as standard equipment when you're young." ~Steven Furtick


Up until I was about 8 years old, I had radical faith. Audacious faith. God-says-it-so-I-believe-it kind of faith. How could I not? I grew up with a mom who spoke God's word over us, a dad who received healing of his hay allergies, and a grandma whose leg grew out when my parents prayed. Wow. I mean, I saw all this and soaked in the teachings by great faith teachers.


And I believed.


So I told the kids in First Grade that I wouldn't catch the chicken pox because God would protect me, even though everyone else was getting it. I really believed I wouldn't. I also said I wouldn't watch the shows the kids were watching and asked my mom to pick me up early from a birthday party because the chosen movie upset me so much. (I'm still highly sensitive to the spiritual ramifications in our modern entertainment, music and movies.)


I was standing up for my Christian beliefs and my faith in God. So I couldn't understand it when I caught chicken pox and no longer had friends at recess. What was going wrong? I retreated into a quiet, pensive attitude that rewarded me with straight A's and my school teachers' and church leaders' approval.


At fourteen, I knew I wanted to change the world for God so I decided to risk living by radical, audacious faith again. I asked God to heal my eyes, wrote out all the Scriptures about healing, and even felt the Father's gentle confirmation in Isaiah 60:5: "Then you will see and become radiant and your heart will swell with joy." I proclaimed that God had healed my eyes and threw my glasses in the garbage. My dad pulled them out. "We'll keep these as a testimony to what God did," he said kindly. But in my heart, I was angry. How could I stand strong when I felt no one supported me?


Two months passed by. Three months. God wasn't playing ball the way my adolescent faith said He should. I finally gave in and started wearing my glasses again so I could learn how to drive and stop getting headaches from my blurry vision. Humiliated in front of my family and church, I became bitter. What had failed? I had the faith. After all, Jesus promised if we only had faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move a mountain. But God failed to keep His word.


I closed off my faith valve. I didn't know at that time that I'd actually moved a huge stone over the wellspring in my soul. Jesus said that when we believe in Him, we receive the Holy Spirit as a fountain of living water. The flow didn't stop, but the Holy Spirit had to work underground, as it were, in my life because I vowed I'd never take such audacious, risk-filled stands again. If God wanted, I would say, He can heal. But, I'd silently add to myself, He rarely wants to. I didn't need to test Him in other areas. He'd already let me fall smack onto the rocks of humiliation so I sure wasn't going to trust Him to catch me again.


Safe and steady, that's how I would live my life. I wouldn't feel too much, because after all, I didn't know how to heal people of their pain. I wouldn't talk too much, except in the areas I felt certain, like rock-solid principles of morality, faithfulness, and tithing.


I gave up on audacious faith, but God never gave up on me.


Years later, I'm walking in audacious faith again, oh maybe not as obviously as some people, but I'm walking in it because God faithfully retaught me what I missed as a child and teenager: deep roots have to go down to support a mammoth tree. Character has to develop underneath the tree of faith or pride will be our fall.


I'm 36 years old now, and I've seen and heard what happens when mature character doesn't develop in people talented and gifted and even anointed by the Lord. More than anything, the Father wants us to pursue intimacy with Him and walk the path of humility so we know for absolute certain that the effects of faith are totally of Him and not of us. See, as a child I only absorbed one side of faith. I heard about the miracles and amazing anointings, but I didn't realize that God will never respond to formulas. He will break us of them, one painful step at a time until our full dependence is on Him and not our own faith because He loves us so incredibly much.


Audacious faith for external change must have radically tenacious faith in the our Daddy's great heart behind it. Our trust in Father's heart is the only root system that is strong enough and deep enough to endure through every circumstance so that the giant oak tree can grow and remain.


And ironically, even though I gave up proclaiming healing for my eyes years ago, the last two times I've visited my optometrist, my prescription for lenses have decreased in strength. Coincidence? Possibly. But I think I'll be audacious and say I have a God with a great sense of humor.