For Christmas, a friend gave me the book "Heart of a Lioness" by Irene Gleeson, a missionary to the children of Uganda for 22 years before her death in 2013. She served in the heart of a war zone, founding a school and rescuing myriad children from the brutalities of being forced to be child soldiers and sex slaves. My friend said, "When I listened to an interview by her, the Lord whispered, "Get Ayrian the book."
I began reading it with reluctance. Irene's second husband left her on the mission field when the country decided to shut down the school even after the Australian couple had endured numerous hostilities and miraculous deliverances from death. All I could think was, "How depressing."
But I started reading with the question, "Okay, God, what is it You want to tell me?"
I read about Irene's salvation after years of rebelling against God and her recounting of the Lord's simple directives, guiding her and her husband, comforting her in loss, and strengthening her in adversity. I thought, "Well, You do that for me, Lord."
She shared about the Lord directing them to the mission field. I thought of the word God spoke to me when I realized He really did want me to go overseas: "I will give you everything you need." And He did.
She shared about God strengthening her to forgive and continue the school on her own after her husband abandoned her. I thought about the days I sat by myself in a little cabin during my DTS, struggling with loneliness and emotional abandonment. The Lord stepped into that cabin and spoke clearly to my heart, "I will never turn My back on you."
I recalled the times when God gently warned me of crisis, preparing my heart to respond like Jesus. He showed me something was wrong concerning my marriage while we were stationed in Germany, just nights before I found my husband viewing pornography. My response was filled with grief and yet forgiving.
Years later as I washed dishes, living with my children at my parents' house, the Lord placed a swift vision before my eyes. I saw a bonfire and my ex-husband burning hundreds of copies of my book Love that is Blind. The Lord said, "If he burns your book, will you forgive him?" I said, "Yes, Lord" and relegated the vision to the background of my mind, assuming the Lord had simply been testing my character. I didn't know how accurate the vision was until I discovered that over 10 boxes of my book that I had left in Oregon no longer existed. I said in shock, "God told me something like this would happen." My ex said derisively, "Serves you right."
The Lord has faithfully shown me numerous times visions and spoken words that bear witness to a current work He is doing or a direction He wants me to take for the future He has for me and the children. When I lived at my parents' home, I repeatedly saw visions of the children and I living in a two-story home with bedrooms upstairs, a white-picket fence and a tree in the yard. The visions were consistently the same but I didn't relate them to a prophecy. I just accepted this spiritual haven as a place where the Lord was gentle and kind to me, husband in my divorced state just as He had been in my hurt while married.
Then one day, I saw with my spirit my Heavenly Father's eyes twinkling as He said to me, "I have a surprise..." I tried to hear the rest, but His words trailed off, tantalizing, teasing, loving. That afternoon I received a call. There was a four-bedroom, two-bath home available for the kids and I in a good neighborhood if I wanted it. It had laundry hook-up and had been newly remodeled. I jumped at the chance, switching my deposit last minute from a much smaller home with no laundry hook-ups. That month as I climbed the stairs of my new home, the Holy Spirit opened my remembrance. I ran to the window and looked out and began to laugh with joy. The white picket fence wasn't around a large yard, but it was there, around my patio, and a small tree stood just a few feet beyond. And here I was--upstairs where the kids and I slept and prayed our bedtime prayers!
Even as I rejoiced over my new house, great distress hit me as two of my children's misbehavior at school escalated beyond my control. I cried and wept and begged God for help. The after-effects of divorce had become massive, triggering stress-related outbursts. In the middle of my day--agony a burden I couldn't shake--the Lord showed me a vision of a gorgeous orange sun on the horizon. He said, "What do you see?" I said numbly, "A sunset." For it felt like the end of hope to me. He said gently, "Look again. It's a sunrise." And as I looked again with the eyes of my spirit, the sun burst over gorgeous mountain peaks with all the beauty and promise of a brand new day.
Two weeks later as I drove the kids to school, we took a slightly different route to their new school, my heart still ached over whether I had made the right choice to transfer them and whether it would help. Just as I turned onto the street to their school, the exact replica of the vision appeared right before me in reality. My breath caught. The mountain peaks were gorgeous and snow-covered in the distance behind MountainView Elementary, and the sun was bursting up and over them with orange then sparkling yellow brilliance. How amazing! The Holy Spirit confirmed the truth within my soul and I knew with absolute certainty: I had made the right choice. We were going the right direction. Jesus would heal my children of their anger, confusion, and orphan hearts.
And you know what? He keeps doing exactly what He's said. Like Irene, I've been a missionary and I've struggled through fear and abandonment. But what the Lord wanted to show me as I've read her book is that we don't have to be on or heading to the mission field for Him to lead, comfort, and sustain us. He speaks to all of us, all the time. If we're listening. If we want His guidance. If we want Him.
It's just Who He is.
