Worthy of Full-Throttle Faith

"We have a good, good Father. That's who He is." -Chris Tomlin
"Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples! Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; talk of all His wondrous works! ...Remember His marvelous works which He has done, His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth." Psalm 105:1,2,5

Whenever I need a boost in faith, I love to do just what this Scripture says...recount the works of the Lord, remember what He has done in the past, and proclaim over my future His faithfulness. He always provides, always nourishes, always pours out His goodness upon our lives for His glory. That's Who He is!!!

When God doesn't answer prayers exactly the way we want Him to, our trust is often shaken.  Yet, as we humble ourselves to seek Him simply for Who He is, He begins to show us that He is behind every answer to prayer, no matter how it came. As we mature, and especially when we become parents, we realize that a good Dad doesn't always say yes. Or rather, He says no and wait at times because His ultimate YES is always for our good. And to God, our spiritual growth and relationship with Him are center stage. He also meets our physical and emotional needs, yet in accordance with His overall plan for our lives and our ability to handle increased responsibility.

He is so good! He declares that He is the one who will meet all our needs and He absolutely does not want us to put anyone else in our God Spot. In other words, He moves heaven and earth to shift all our dependency upon Him and away from another person or ourselves or a job or a hobby to meet the needs we have. He jealously loves us and guards our affections! As babies, we rely absolutely upon someone else to meet our physical and emotional needs. Yet, caregivers all fail to provide completely for what a baby needs so children begin to learn self-reliance as well as social reliance. In other words, we build a framework of relationships, skills, and hobbies to attempt to meet most our needs. Yet, in all our developing, God allows circumstances to jar our dependence on this framework and whispers, "Fall into My arms, Child. I am Everything. The source of life and all you need to live it well."

"His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." II Peter 1:3-4

Perhaps the first jarring shift from dependency on man to absolute, heart-wrenching dependency on God occurred for me after my miscarriage. I was a young mom with a one-year-old son and I felt shocked then excited to discover I was pregnant again. I didn't have the usual morning sickness and felt none of the usual exhaustion--the pregnancy was going wonderful! Or so I thought. Then the bleeding began. We were in Germany and a group of ladies from church prayed with me for healing. I fell across my bed and begged God to keep the baby alive. Instead she passed into this world in little pieces that simply hadn't been able to form whole and healthy. Jesus! I cried and cried.

The next morning in my living room as I wept facedown on the floor with my Bible in front of me, God showed me a vision. He showed me my little girl in heaven, praising Him in glorious white, arms outstretched, face radiant in joy before His throne. He said He had answered my prayer for His glory and praise. So that's what I named her--my precious Praise. Then Jesus told me, "You will have more children."

I believed and did everything I could humanly speaking to fulfill that promise. But I knew deep in my heart that many women suffer multiple miscarriages or can't conceive. I had no control over if or when that promise would be fulfilled. Anger toward God flooded each month I wasn't pregnant, but God knew. He showed me the deep, painful canyons bored into my heart from the miscarriage. And He said, "You can fill the emptiness inside you with bitterness or compassion. What do you choose?" I chose compassion and a month later, I became pregnant.

I rejoiced yet fear flooded too. What if I lost this baby too? Jesus said, "Ayrian, you don't know the future, but I want you to choose to be thankful every day you are pregnant." So I did and eight months later, my second daughter arrived, strong and healthy. Did God keep His promise? You bet He did. Three years later, I felt forgotten and abandoned. God stepped in, like He did for Leah, and I became pregnant. Morning sickness now was an incredibly good sign. I rejoiced and declared, "You have remembered me, oh God!"

At that same time, I began crying out to God for help about moving overseas to do full-time missions work. I felt like I could handle any place except the third-world, Communist country where my husband at the time wanted to go. I told him, "I can't go there just to please you. I have to know for certain that God wants us there." As I was folding laundry two weeks later, a clear vision flashed across my eyes. It was a scene from a Christian movie of a widowed pioneer woman sitting alone in the middle of a vast prairie--alone in a strange land. In that moment, the Holy Spirit applied it directly to me. My Abba Daddy declared over me, "I will be with me when you go to ___." I knew then that we really were called to go and that He would do all He had promised--HE would be One to provide all I needed emotionally and in all other ways. So I shared the vision and a year later, we sold everything and moved across the Pacific Ocean.

God kept His word. At first, I thought the way He was providing for my emotional needs was through my writing. He gave me a beautiful story to write about my experience in a foreign world and I came alive in writing it. I felt such joy and love and safety! My Daddy loved me! My desires and dreams and needs mattered too! He empowered me to rewrite a story from my teen years, but then a strange thing happened. My stories became the only place I felt safe and loved. They had become an
addiction. God showed me that I had to take responsibility for the health of my real-life relationships and write only an hour or so a day instead of up to 10 hours. I cried out, "If I'm never happy again, I will be responsible!"

Oh, I hadn't learned yet how very GOOD our Daddy is! He required that I attend a Discipleship Training School. I thought I knew so much, and intellectually I did. But I decided to have a good attitude even though it seemed like a waste of money. Within three days, God blew my socks off! The Holy Spirit kissed me and I felt it to the core of my being! He kept pouring rivers of love through me and on me, loving me like only the Purest of Beloveds can. For two weeks, He soaked me in Holy Spirit glory and healing.

Painful disagreements continued to occur in my marriage, but Jesus was teaching me to run to Him instead of my writing or depression. One day I sat writing a bit in our small cabin while the kids played outside. Suddenly I felt my Bridegroom's presence. He walked into the room, light upon light, kindness flowing from His eyes. I set down my pen and sat a little straighter. "Oh, it's You!" Jesus smiled. "You may keep writing." I stared. "How can I when You are here?" He sat in the chair next to
me, and He said, "I'm your husband now. And I will never turn My back on you." Oh, the wonderful safety of those words! Emotional neglect is the same as someone turning their back and walking away. Previously, God had given a word to one of His teachers that He had removed the spanking paddle from my life. Tears had poured down my cheeks at that time because that was exactly how fits of rage against me felt. And now my wonderful Savior was stepping in completely--taking over the areas abandoned and neglected, shamed and stoned. He would never abandon me!

As DTS continued, God granted me two more gifts: I became pregnant again even though we had decided to wait at least another year if not longer. Joy bubbled up. "I know this baby is from You, God, because only You can trump our decisions and make life!" My second baby boy was born in a foreign land, and although I was scared to be in that hospital room by myself, the Presence of my Beloved filled the room. I worshipped Him as He swept out all my fears and showed me all over again that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He also opened the door for me to partner-publish my first novel. I worked with an editor online then bought the first installment of copies to cover publishing costs. I sold many to family and friends and rejoiced in God's unexpected provision through the insurance payment on our water-destroyed modular.

A year later, we returned to the States and God gave me a great desire to attend a Christian fiction writers convention in Colorado. However, we were due to return to Asia right before the convention and didn't have extra money for it. I prayed, "Please let me go next year, Lord." The Holy Spirit whispered, "Will you give up the desire to Me?" Sadness settled over me for I felt He was telling me no, it wasn't in His will for me to further my writing career. I said, "Yes." Two days later, a
check arrived in the mail from some dear friends. The note said, "Seed money for Ayrian's writing." It was the exact amount of the writers' convention being held in two weeks. I stared then rushed to ask my husband, "Do you think I can go? I know it would mean switching our tickets and buying one to Denver, but what do you think?" God moved in his heart and he agreed. I flew to the convention and God showed me two things: One, everyone respected me for who I was. Total strangers enjoyed talking to me! I felt alive and full of the Holy Spirit. Two, I wasn't afraid of airplanes even though I had just experienced a panic attack on one. God showed me clearly the panic attack came as a symptom of trying to pretend the ongoing verbal abuse didn't hurt. But it did. And in the following months, He showed me clearly that I had to bring others in for accountability, counsel, and strength. As I took the ultimate step of vulnerability and risk because I had always been warned that sharing on these issues would result in divorce, God provided incredible love, encouragement, and support through His presence as well as from family and friends.

God's provision continues to amaze me. He provides when I don't expect it. He keeps His promises when I can't. He has taught me to throw myself recklessly upon Him, learning on His strength and good, good heart. For all that He asks of me, He provides. He syncs my desires with His and fulfills them because He delights in His children. As missionaries, our income depended on the Holy Spirit moving upon the hearts of others to send support money. Never once did the support money fail. Sometimes the amount slid very low yet our expenses were low too. Other times, a huge check would arrive from someone who had never given to us before. Within the month, we had need of the money. Our Father knows what we need before we do! He faithfully taught me to rely on His goodness and ability rather than my own budgeting skills and frugality.

After my divorce, He has stretched my faith even further, asking me to live a life of generosity toward my children and others. He asks me to give monthly above tithe even though I have a college loan to repay. He is teaching me not to let my heart get small. He wants me to model to my children a life of generosity and caring for others even when we have what seems little. Like the woman with the jar of oil, we experience our Daddy multiplying what we have...what we surrender to His loving care. The children and I have never lacked, and the Holy Spirit opens up channels of provision while asking that I walk in humility and receive what He provides, thanking Him because EVERYTHING we receive is from our Heavenly Father. When I lost the full-time office job I obtained after college graduation, social security called that very hour to tell me that my son with Asperger's had been approved to receive SSI. Coincidence? No way! By the time school began, I had a wonderful part-time job with flexible hours in my preferred career field, perfect for our needs. My Daddy provides!

So what am I saying in all this? I'm saying that no human being is worthy of or can sustain our faith. Human relationships are made for blessing but must not occupy our place of utter Trust. That is idolatry. If I look to a hobby or pleasure for joy, God allows it to sour because even good things addict us. Jesus' presence is the only High that will last and never harm. Financially, if I turn my faith to the government or economy, both may collapse within a year. If I bank on a certain amount of hours at my job, my kids might get sick. If I think my parents will cover an expense, they inform me that they expect repayment. Why? Because they know that it is vital I continue to take responsibility--not just for managing my finances well but for my faith. Faith that absolutely has to be in the One who will never fail!

And you know what? Jesus never will! He alone is absolutely worthy of radical, tenacious, full-throttle faith!!!

Shifting Boundaries

"The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.” Psalm 19:7

Confusion increases within the church as our culture continues seeking to redefine the concepts of love, hate, grace, and even Christianity. Numerous voices call out amid the crowd, asserting that love cannot be limited, that disapproval is hate, and that Christians must never condemn. In fact, the Law of God lurks as an enemy to modern thinking and even to the modern church where Grace triumphs over all.

Yet, Christianity without Holiness founded on the Word and Sovereignty of God is simply man’s sugar-coated acceptance of all sorts of sin. In the church, we long to show mercy so we refrain from gentle correction. However, without the law of God bringing conviction for sin, mercy is unnecessary. Jesus didn’t die to save the righteous (or self-righteous), remember. “I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matthew 9:13) “He died to save sinners—of whom I am chief!” (I Timothy 1:15)

Yet, sin can only be recognized with the aid of a standard. “I would not have known sin except through the law…. Therefore, the law is holy and the commandment holy and just and good.” (Romans 7:7, 12) Without the conviction of sin, repentance cannot occur for Godly repentance means recognizing that we have been headed the wrong way and choosing to turn and run in the opposite direction.  “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted.” (II Corinthians 7:10)

The Bible makes it clear, when read as a whole from cover to cover, that grace never contradicts or cancels true holiness. Mercy may remove the punishment for sin, but it never moves the BOUNDARY of right and wrong. If all God needed to do was change His standard to clear us of wrongdoing, Jesus would never have needed to suffer or die. Without a changeless boundary, the Cross means nothing. And Mercy cannot remove the punishment for sin unless that punishment has already been paid—the purpose of the Cross. “Without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sin.” (Hebrews 9:22)

Yet, in our modern church, we have an epidemic of ‘cheap grace’, even though a daily reading of Scripture would quickly bring conviction that we must not continue living in our sin just because we’ve said a prayer of salvation. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (Romans 6:1) “Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not! Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death or of obedience leading to righteousness?” (Romans 6:15-16)

In point of fact, the Bible makes it clear that a truly transformed heart will manifest through growth in holiness because the Holy Spirit is at work within us, causing us to become more and more like Christ Jesus. “We all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.” (II Corinthians 3:18)

Some people assert, however, that Old Testament boundaries no longer apply to us. Certainly, they are correct up to a point. Upon his conversion, the Pharisee Paul experienced the amazing freedom that grace brings when the Holy Spirit transformed his heart and revealed to him that he no longer needed to keep all the external rituals of the Mosaic Law. However, he warns clearly, “For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another…. Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outburst of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like.” (Galatians 5:13,19-21).

Jesus said, “What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” (Mark 7:20-23) Therefore, He gives us His Spirit living within who produces holiness and righteousness pleasing to God. perfect but now“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…. Those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:22-24)

Holiness begins in a transformed heart and manifests in a pure lifestyle--perhaps not perfect but able to meet God’s Standard far more often because of the empowering presence of the Holy Spirit. Notice, Scripture makes clear that the standard has not—and never will be—removed. “Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith…. The law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine.” (I Timothy 1:5, 8-10)

Now we can better understand why some rules don’t apply anymore while other boundaries reflect the Eternal Nature and Unchanging Holiness of our Creator. When Jesus rose from the grave after paying for our sins, the Holy Spirit showed His church that grace frees us from external rituals to produce holy fruit flowing from a transformed heart. The Apostle Paul wrote at length about the difference between external holiness and inner holiness. The former is abolished while the latter radiates the active residence of the Holy Spirit within a person’s heart.

“For it seemed good to the Holy Spirit, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things: that you abstain from things offered to idols, from blood, from things strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from these, you will do well.” Acts 15:28-29 The Apostle Paul addressed this statement to Jewish believers who had memorized the numerous requirements of Mosaic Law from their youth.

As Paul began to preach to the Gentiles, however, the Holy Spirit propelled him to explain the most basic elements of true holiness because the Roman society worshipped dozens of gods and engaged in every form of sexuality imaginable. Paul wrote to the Romans, “God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also, the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which is due. Even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting.”  Romans 1:24-28

Scripture directly addresses many behaviors that God defines as immoral, rebellious, and in direct opposition to His unchanging holiness. Today’s culture wants the church to question and reject God’s boundaries. Movies, music, art, and now our laws pressure us to accept sexual standards as archaic and embrace our “freedom” to participate in sexual encounters with anyone and in any way that we want.   But Biblical standards are based on God’s Eternal Nature. He created us. He knows best.

 “To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.” Isaiah 8:20

Preparation and Learning

Irene Gleeson wrote before her death, "It's often said that to be a good teacher, one has to become a great learner. Although I was the white teacher with the western training and the alphabet charts, I had become a student of the Acholi traditions and culture."


She was referring to her early months in Uganda, adjusting to life on a harsh missionfield. As I read her statement, though, immediately I saw again the vision God gave me in 2010 as I sought guidance for the next phase of my life. I saw myself with my children sitting at elementary school desks. The Holy Spirit stood teaching at the front of the classroom, and He smiled as He gazed at us. Then unexpectedly, He came around the desks and sat at the child's desk next to me--a desk much too small for Him! As one of the children climbed into His lap, He said tenderly to me, "We'll learn together now."


I had no idea that the vision was preparing my heart for reaching my children at their level and also for the job God had for me--being a Family Support Assistant who sits every day next to a child at school in order to assist with learning and behavior. God is so consistently kind in His guidance--and sees so clearly into our futures, even when we don't understand!


I've learned that visions give us hope for the immediate present and also guidance for the future. They often puzzle us a little and always surprise us. I've learned that God gives accurate details in many visions, but other times He speaks in idioms and analogies just as Jesus spoke in parables to reach the heart. Always, the Lord is seeking to prepare and guide as He ministers hope and healing.


The Lord has shown me visions that obviously represented spiritual truth in order to give me both the desire and courage to do something completely out of my comfort zone.


During my three years at the University of Great Falls as I obtained my Bachelor's in Psychology, I had an overwhelming longing increase each semester for the staff and students on campus to come to know the incredible love of the Father's heart. One afternoon while at my parents' house, I saw myself stand up on a table in one of my classrooms and begin beseeching the people to see and accept Jesus' great love for them. The vision widened and as I preached from that table, people from all over the campus began to stream into the classroom. Then I saw the water of the Holy Spirit soak the lush lawns of the campus between the buildings, saturating like a reservoir every inch of University soil with the love and grace of God. I knew the vision represented what God could do and I told the Lord, "If You give me the opportunity, I will preach."


The opportunity came. Not as I expected, with me spontaneously jumping up before fellow students, but formerly at a service held yearly in honor of Martin King Luther Jr.  President McAllister, who has encouraged me countless times, called me personally and said how much he had been moved by my thank-you speech at the University's scholarship banquet. Since the motto of the University is Uncommon Courage and because I had been given the Courage Award, I had shared my testimony of God's grace and strength both in a closed-country and in standing up to abuse in my marriage. President McAllister asked for me to share my heart regarding the truth that we are all equal in God's sight. Jesus had given me a podium! That day I watched people stream across the campus to Trinity Chapel to attend this ceremony honoring everyone who live lives of kindness, respect, and courage.


I praised God for blessing me with this opportunity to share His heart and thanked Him for fulfilling the vision. But God wasn't done. Just four months later, the University asked me to speak again--this time at my graduation baccalaureate. Overwhelmed, I went to the Throne of Grace and asked for the Holy Spirit's words and wisdom. I wanted to encourage, strengthen, and spur closer to Jesus the staff and family members attending in honor of our 2013 graduating class.


Jesus did it. He gave me the words and gave people who had become very dear to my heart His message of hope, compassion, and right-standing with Him. He is amazing. Always, He prepares us then sends us, empowered with His strength, into a future we could never have imagined or created for ourselves.


Jesus--Our Beautiful Redeemer!

Beautiful Life

Medical Expert Testimonies on the Beginning of Human Life:

“This is the moment of conception, when an individual’s unique set of DNA is created, a human signature that never existed before and will never be repeated.” --In the Womb, National Geographic, 2005

“{The zygote], formed by the union of an oocyte and a sperm, is the beginning of a new human being.” --Before We Are Born: Essentials of Embryology, 7^th Edition, 2008.

“By all the criteria of modern molecular biology, life is present from the moment of conception.” --Professor Hymie Gordon, Mayo Clinic

“After fertilization has taken place a new human being has come into being. [It] is no longer a matter of taste or opinion…it is plain experimental evidence.” --Dr. Jerome LeJeune, Professor of Genetics, University of Descartes

“It is incorrect to say that biological data cannot be decisive…It is scientifically correct to say that an individual human life begins at conception.” --Professor Micheline Matthews-Roth, Harvard University Medical School

“The beginning of a single human life is from a biological point of view a simple and straightforward matter—the beginning is conception.” --Dr. Watson A. Bowes, University of Colorado Medical School

“…conception marks the beginning of the life of a human being—a being that is alive and is a member of the human species.” –Judiciary Subcommittee

Pro-Choice Advocates Agree:

“There is no doubt that from the first moments of its existence an embryo conceived from human sperm and eggs is a human being.” –Peter Singer, ethicist

“We need to contextualize the fight to defend abortion rights within a moral framework that admits that the death of a fetus is a real death.” –Naomi Wolf

“I think we have deluded ourselves into believing that people don’t know that abortion is killing…yes, it kills a fetus.” –Faye Wattleton (Planned Parenthood)

“We can accept that the embryo is a living thing in the fact that it has a beating heart, that it has its own genetic system within it. It’s clearly human in the sense that it’s not a gerbil, and we can recognize that it is human life. The point is not when does human life begin, but when does it really begin to matter?” –Ann Furedi (British Pregnancy Advisory Service)

“I accept that abortion stops a beating heart and I accept that abortion ends a potential human life, even in the very earliest weeks of pregnancy.” –Ann Furedi

“I definitely do want to talk about the fact that when you are pregnant, there is a baby growing inside of you.” –Judith Arcana (Abortion Counseling Service)

What determines YOUR worth?

“SLED=Size, level of development, environment, degree of dependency.” --Stephen Schwarz

Pro-Choice arguments are about WHEN human life gains value!!!

 

Amazing Pictures and Citations

During in utero surgery, 21-week-old Samuel Armas grasped his doctor's finger! He is a healthy boy today.

http://www.mccl.org/prenatal-surgery-saves-samuel-armas.html

Miracle: Amillia was born at just 21 weeks and six days into her gestation--two weeks before the legal abortion limit at just 9.5 inches (24.13 cm) long and less than 10 ounces (284 g).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021034/The-tiniest-survivor-How-miracle-baby-born-weeks-legal-abortion-limit-clung-life-odds.html

 

“Behind the scenes- the model of a fetus in the womb. On Mother’s Day, one of the most startling broadcasts will be In the Womb on National Geographic Channel. Pictures of unborn infants are not new but this two-hour Brit documentary uses the latest in 3-D scanning technology to provide exceptional images of a baby girl from conception to birth.”

http://reachingforsoul.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/curled-up-in-the-womb/life-gender/

Quotation References

Ñ http://www.abort73.com/abortion/medical_testimony/

Ñ http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/commentators/ann-furedi-a-womans-right-to-choose-is-also-her-right-to-be-human-1021691.html

Ñ http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/abortion-chain-ceo-i-accept-that-abortion-stops-a-beating-heart/

Ñ http://www.uic.edu/orgs/cwluherstory/CWLUFeature/Arcanatalk.html

Ñ http://www.nrlc.org/NewsToday/SLED.html