Worthy of Full-Throttle Faith

"We have a good, good Father. That's who He is." -Chris Tomlin
"Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; make known His deeds among the peoples! Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; talk of all His wondrous works! ...Remember His marvelous works which He has done, His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth." Psalm 105:1,2,5

Whenever I need a boost in faith, I love to do just what this Scripture says...recount the works of the Lord, remember what He has done in the past, and proclaim over my future His faithfulness. He always provides, always nourishes, always pours out His goodness upon our lives for His glory. That's Who He is!!!

When God doesn't answer prayers exactly the way we want Him to, our trust is often shaken.  Yet, as we humble ourselves to seek Him simply for Who He is, He begins to show us that He is behind every answer to prayer, no matter how it came. As we mature, and especially when we become parents, we realize that a good Dad doesn't always say yes. Or rather, He says no and wait at times because His ultimate YES is always for our good. And to God, our spiritual growth and relationship with Him are center stage. He also meets our physical and emotional needs, yet in accordance with His overall plan for our lives and our ability to handle increased responsibility.

He is so good! He declares that He is the one who will meet all our needs and He absolutely does not want us to put anyone else in our God Spot. In other words, He moves heaven and earth to shift all our dependency upon Him and away from another person or ourselves or a job or a hobby to meet the needs we have. He jealously loves us and guards our affections! As babies, we rely absolutely upon someone else to meet our physical and emotional needs. Yet, caregivers all fail to provide completely for what a baby needs so children begin to learn self-reliance as well as social reliance. In other words, we build a framework of relationships, skills, and hobbies to attempt to meet most our needs. Yet, in all our developing, God allows circumstances to jar our dependence on this framework and whispers, "Fall into My arms, Child. I am Everything. The source of life and all you need to live it well."

"His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." II Peter 1:3-4

Perhaps the first jarring shift from dependency on man to absolute, heart-wrenching dependency on God occurred for me after my miscarriage. I was a young mom with a one-year-old son and I felt shocked then excited to discover I was pregnant again. I didn't have the usual morning sickness and felt none of the usual exhaustion--the pregnancy was going wonderful! Or so I thought. Then the bleeding began. We were in Germany and a group of ladies from church prayed with me for healing. I fell across my bed and begged God to keep the baby alive. Instead she passed into this world in little pieces that simply hadn't been able to form whole and healthy. Jesus! I cried and cried.

The next morning in my living room as I wept facedown on the floor with my Bible in front of me, God showed me a vision. He showed me my little girl in heaven, praising Him in glorious white, arms outstretched, face radiant in joy before His throne. He said He had answered my prayer for His glory and praise. So that's what I named her--my precious Praise. Then Jesus told me, "You will have more children."

I believed and did everything I could humanly speaking to fulfill that promise. But I knew deep in my heart that many women suffer multiple miscarriages or can't conceive. I had no control over if or when that promise would be fulfilled. Anger toward God flooded each month I wasn't pregnant, but God knew. He showed me the deep, painful canyons bored into my heart from the miscarriage. And He said, "You can fill the emptiness inside you with bitterness or compassion. What do you choose?" I chose compassion and a month later, I became pregnant.

I rejoiced yet fear flooded too. What if I lost this baby too? Jesus said, "Ayrian, you don't know the future, but I want you to choose to be thankful every day you are pregnant." So I did and eight months later, my second daughter arrived, strong and healthy. Did God keep His promise? You bet He did. Three years later, I felt forgotten and abandoned. God stepped in, like He did for Leah, and I became pregnant. Morning sickness now was an incredibly good sign. I rejoiced and declared, "You have remembered me, oh God!"

At that same time, I began crying out to God for help about moving overseas to do full-time missions work. I felt like I could handle any place except the third-world, Communist country where my husband at the time wanted to go. I told him, "I can't go there just to please you. I have to know for certain that God wants us there." As I was folding laundry two weeks later, a clear vision flashed across my eyes. It was a scene from a Christian movie of a widowed pioneer woman sitting alone in the middle of a vast prairie--alone in a strange land. In that moment, the Holy Spirit applied it directly to me. My Abba Daddy declared over me, "I will be with me when you go to ___." I knew then that we really were called to go and that He would do all He had promised--HE would be One to provide all I needed emotionally and in all other ways. So I shared the vision and a year later, we sold everything and moved across the Pacific Ocean.

God kept His word. At first, I thought the way He was providing for my emotional needs was through my writing. He gave me a beautiful story to write about my experience in a foreign world and I came alive in writing it. I felt such joy and love and safety! My Daddy loved me! My desires and dreams and needs mattered too! He empowered me to rewrite a story from my teen years, but then a strange thing happened. My stories became the only place I felt safe and loved. They had become an
addiction. God showed me that I had to take responsibility for the health of my real-life relationships and write only an hour or so a day instead of up to 10 hours. I cried out, "If I'm never happy again, I will be responsible!"

Oh, I hadn't learned yet how very GOOD our Daddy is! He required that I attend a Discipleship Training School. I thought I knew so much, and intellectually I did. But I decided to have a good attitude even though it seemed like a waste of money. Within three days, God blew my socks off! The Holy Spirit kissed me and I felt it to the core of my being! He kept pouring rivers of love through me and on me, loving me like only the Purest of Beloveds can. For two weeks, He soaked me in Holy Spirit glory and healing.

Painful disagreements continued to occur in my marriage, but Jesus was teaching me to run to Him instead of my writing or depression. One day I sat writing a bit in our small cabin while the kids played outside. Suddenly I felt my Bridegroom's presence. He walked into the room, light upon light, kindness flowing from His eyes. I set down my pen and sat a little straighter. "Oh, it's You!" Jesus smiled. "You may keep writing." I stared. "How can I when You are here?" He sat in the chair next to
me, and He said, "I'm your husband now. And I will never turn My back on you." Oh, the wonderful safety of those words! Emotional neglect is the same as someone turning their back and walking away. Previously, God had given a word to one of His teachers that He had removed the spanking paddle from my life. Tears had poured down my cheeks at that time because that was exactly how fits of rage against me felt. And now my wonderful Savior was stepping in completely--taking over the areas abandoned and neglected, shamed and stoned. He would never abandon me!

As DTS continued, God granted me two more gifts: I became pregnant again even though we had decided to wait at least another year if not longer. Joy bubbled up. "I know this baby is from You, God, because only You can trump our decisions and make life!" My second baby boy was born in a foreign land, and although I was scared to be in that hospital room by myself, the Presence of my Beloved filled the room. I worshipped Him as He swept out all my fears and showed me all over again that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He also opened the door for me to partner-publish my first novel. I worked with an editor online then bought the first installment of copies to cover publishing costs. I sold many to family and friends and rejoiced in God's unexpected provision through the insurance payment on our water-destroyed modular.

A year later, we returned to the States and God gave me a great desire to attend a Christian fiction writers convention in Colorado. However, we were due to return to Asia right before the convention and didn't have extra money for it. I prayed, "Please let me go next year, Lord." The Holy Spirit whispered, "Will you give up the desire to Me?" Sadness settled over me for I felt He was telling me no, it wasn't in His will for me to further my writing career. I said, "Yes." Two days later, a
check arrived in the mail from some dear friends. The note said, "Seed money for Ayrian's writing." It was the exact amount of the writers' convention being held in two weeks. I stared then rushed to ask my husband, "Do you think I can go? I know it would mean switching our tickets and buying one to Denver, but what do you think?" God moved in his heart and he agreed. I flew to the convention and God showed me two things: One, everyone respected me for who I was. Total strangers enjoyed talking to me! I felt alive and full of the Holy Spirit. Two, I wasn't afraid of airplanes even though I had just experienced a panic attack on one. God showed me clearly the panic attack came as a symptom of trying to pretend the ongoing verbal abuse didn't hurt. But it did. And in the following months, He showed me clearly that I had to bring others in for accountability, counsel, and strength. As I took the ultimate step of vulnerability and risk because I had always been warned that sharing on these issues would result in divorce, God provided incredible love, encouragement, and support through His presence as well as from family and friends.

God's provision continues to amaze me. He provides when I don't expect it. He keeps His promises when I can't. He has taught me to throw myself recklessly upon Him, learning on His strength and good, good heart. For all that He asks of me, He provides. He syncs my desires with His and fulfills them because He delights in His children. As missionaries, our income depended on the Holy Spirit moving upon the hearts of others to send support money. Never once did the support money fail. Sometimes the amount slid very low yet our expenses were low too. Other times, a huge check would arrive from someone who had never given to us before. Within the month, we had need of the money. Our Father knows what we need before we do! He faithfully taught me to rely on His goodness and ability rather than my own budgeting skills and frugality.

After my divorce, He has stretched my faith even further, asking me to live a life of generosity toward my children and others. He asks me to give monthly above tithe even though I have a college loan to repay. He is teaching me not to let my heart get small. He wants me to model to my children a life of generosity and caring for others even when we have what seems little. Like the woman with the jar of oil, we experience our Daddy multiplying what we have...what we surrender to His loving care. The children and I have never lacked, and the Holy Spirit opens up channels of provision while asking that I walk in humility and receive what He provides, thanking Him because EVERYTHING we receive is from our Heavenly Father. When I lost the full-time office job I obtained after college graduation, social security called that very hour to tell me that my son with Asperger's had been approved to receive SSI. Coincidence? No way! By the time school began, I had a wonderful part-time job with flexible hours in my preferred career field, perfect for our needs. My Daddy provides!

So what am I saying in all this? I'm saying that no human being is worthy of or can sustain our faith. Human relationships are made for blessing but must not occupy our place of utter Trust. That is idolatry. If I look to a hobby or pleasure for joy, God allows it to sour because even good things addict us. Jesus' presence is the only High that will last and never harm. Financially, if I turn my faith to the government or economy, both may collapse within a year. If I bank on a certain amount of hours at my job, my kids might get sick. If I think my parents will cover an expense, they inform me that they expect repayment. Why? Because they know that it is vital I continue to take responsibility--not just for managing my finances well but for my faith. Faith that absolutely has to be in the One who will never fail!

And you know what? Jesus never will! He alone is absolutely worthy of radical, tenacious, full-throttle faith!!!

When Divorce is Mercy

(All Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James except where indicated otherwise.)

Today, I’m going to approach a difficult topic, mostly because it’s been on my mind and heart for quite awhile and there are probably a lot of people who wrestle with the same questions I do regarding God’s perspective on an issue that affects a lot of people’s lives in this day and age. I’m talking about the subject of divorce.

I’m not digging into this topic in order to look at every reason divorce occurs. I think we can all accept the fact that none of us are perfect and failed relationships occur because of selfishness. After all, if we all loved like Jesus, divorce simply wouldn’t happen.

However, because of the Fall and mankind’s innate self-centeredness, God set up some guidelines for handling certain unacceptable behaviors within the marriage covenant. I call them the three A’s that equal the great “I”: adultery, addiction, abuse. And they all stem from “I”-centeredness, or in Scriptural terms: Idolatry of the heart.

Thank God, not everyone suffers from the 3 A’s, but all of us, to varying extents, suffer from the Big I. As believers in Christ, we are called to continually submit our attitudes, words, and behaviors to the refining work of the Holy Spirit through His personal touch, His written Word, and fellowship in His Church.

Since we have all hurt one another at times, I praise God that Jesus set an example for us when He said to the self-righteous religious leaders, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone” (John 8:7). He reminded them of the Father’s heart when dealing with broken rules, “What God desires is mercy and not sacrifice” (Matthew 12:7).

Jesus set an example of mercy that we are commanded to follow, so when someone admits their failures and repents of how they’ve hurt another, we don’t hold their pasts against them. We recognize with gratitude that God’s mercies are new every morning, and we seek to extend the same grace He does (see Lamentations 3:22-23). We extend the second chances that Jesus, at the Cross, purchased for all of us. After all, if not for grace, who could stand? As believers, we recognize that our right-standing with God is through the righteousness of Christ alone.

But there is another question pressing on my heart, a question that a number of pastors will answer with a definite yes, but with which I painfully disagree. The question is this: Is divorce always a sin? And the question that automatically comes after it: Is remarriage after divorce to someone other than the original partner always sin?

I believe the heart of the Father as well as Scripture answers to both: Not always. It depends.

To make a judgment call on a behavior, one must know the reason behind the action. First, sin is anything that separates us from God. It’s rebellion and pleasing self above pleasing God. It’s the big “I”. Second, sin is always a matter of the heart, which may or may not be identifiable by behavior.

Let me give two examples among many in Scripture. First, consider Mary, the mother of Jesus. When she became pregnant by the power of the Holy Spirit, her neighbors and family judged her. Joseph, because he was a God-fearing man, felt he had no choice but to divorce her. But her heart was right with God (Matthew 1:18-20). Her pregnancy was not the result of sin but of complete surrender to God’s will (Luke 1:38). Second, consider Jesus healing on the Sabbath. The Pharisees were irate that He would break a “holiness” law by working on the Sabbath. Jesus declared that the Father was more concerned with setting captives of demonic bondage and human suffering free than in keeping traditions and the appearance of holiness. (see Luke 13:10-17, 14:1-6, 16:15)

These examples do not refute the fact that all too many divorces occur simply because couples are not willing to submit to the refining work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Relationships, especially family ones, are the primary place where God teaches us to love sacrificially. He said to husbands, “Lay down your lives for your wives as Christ laid down His life for the Church” (see Ephesians 5:25-29). In a culture of instant gratification and give-me-my-rights mentality, too many people tell an unhappy wife or husband, “Sure, go ahead. You’re unhappy. Get a divorce and find someone better.” That’s not the Father’s heart. 

God will never advocate divorce as a quick out when a relationship gets costly, and godly leaders will be diligent to remind struggling couples of the verse in Malachi 2:16, “God hates divorce.” Then they quote Jesus in Matthew 19:6, “What God has joined together, let not man separate.” And if someone’s really intent on divorce, an even more humbling verse is applied: Jesus said, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

At this point, couples can submit to the Word of God, fall to their knees and beg the Holy Spirit to give them the power to love even when it seems impossible. And God hears their prayers. Or they can harden themselves to the Word of God and say, “I’ll do what I want. God wants me happy.” And they don’t understand that a change in circumstance isn’t where joy lies. Joy rests in the bosom of the Father, doing His will, and heeding His voice.

But what about a third scenario? The scenario that occurs when any one of the 3 A’s is involved: adultery, addiction, or abuse. This is when one spouse cries out for God’s love to be able to endure the inexcusable and love the other spouse even in the midst of extreme pain and repeated offenses while the other spouse keeps right on doing their “A”, unbelieving or uncaring about how much their words, attitude, and actions are hurting others. In this scenario, after crying out for love that surpasses human love and receiving it yet still enduring great pain and torment, the spouse with the soft, gentle heart cries out, Oh, Lord, who can stand?

Ministers will point out that separation is permissible within Biblical guidelines. Separate in order to reconcile…which in some cases is sufficient to bring a spouse to recognition of his/her harmful behavior, words, and attitudes. But what if it isn’t?

Jesus said, “Moses allowed a man to write a divorce document because of the hardness of your hearts.” (Matthew 19:8) Whose hardness then? I think a lot of believers live with an abusive spouse because they are afraid of the condemnation of the church if they are the ones to initiate divorce.

Which leads me back to my initial question: Is divorce always sin?

To answer that, I have to ask a couple more questions. First, can God sin? No, of course not. Second, can God condemn something He Himself has done? No.

So let’s read Jeremiah 3:8-10. “She saw that I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery. But that treacherous sister Judah had no fear, and now she, too, has left Me and given herself to prostitution. Israel treated it all so lightly—she thought nothing of committing adultery by worshipping idols made of wood and stone. So now the land has been polluted. But despite all this, her faithless sister Judah has never sincerely returned to Me. She has only pretended to be sorry. I, the Lord, have spoken!” (NLT)

This Scripture leads us to a dilemma. God says He hates divorce yet He declares that He divorced Israel. How can we reconcile these two seemingly contradictory statements? We know God isn’t hypocritical, so the answer lies in context. What is the context of God initiating a divorce?

Idolatry.

Not adultery. That is simply the metaphor used to explain why God hates idolatry so much. So what is idolatry? Not just the pagan idea of bowing before a statue. Ezekiel 14:2-5 tells us idolatry goes much deeper than that. It’s rooted in the heart. “These people have set up idols in their hearts.” In fact, in Jeremiah 8:9-12, God takes it a step further. He outright states to those in rebellion: “Behold, they have rejected the word of the Lord, so what wisdom do they have? Therefore I will give their wives to others, and their fields to those who will inherit them, because from the least even to the greatest everyone is given to covetousness, from the prophet even to the priest, everyone deals falsely…. Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? No! They were not at all ashamed, nor did they know how to blush.”

“I’ll give your fields and wives to others.” This statement is in the context of slaying the idolaters. Throughout the Old Testament, God brings this indictment: “You are covetous liars, pretending to love God but living for your own pleasures and covering your sins with religious jargon and rituals” (see Isaiah 58:1-4). Jesus brings the same indictment of those who serve in appearance, “They bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. But all their works they do to be seen by men…. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation” (Matthew 23:4-5, 14).

Religious, emotional, and psychological abuse within marriage are even more rampant than physical abuse. How do I know this? Because the statistics show it. Physical abuse never stands alone. It occurs after the stage has been set with verbal beatings and a destruction of the partner’s self-worth. Psychological abuse manipulates the mind, making the partner believe they are going crazy because the lies they recognize with their heart are always denied and rationalized and the abuser is always changing the “rules” of the relationship. Emotional abuse happens when a person is devalued, told they deserve to be hurt, and that they’ll never be good enough. Religious abuse occurs when the other forms of abuse are justified with religious verbiage, including Scripture. Religious abusers quote verses that highlight the spouse’s “sins” and put the abuser in charge. Both men and women can use Scripture as a cloak for vice.

How sad.

And God hates this abuse and pretense even more than He hates divorce.

He said to idolatrous Israel, “Because of your transgressions, I have written you a certificate of divorce” (see Isaiah 50:1). God was calling them out on their sins and refusing to be united with them anymore.

He still calls abuse out today, in any form that it occurs.

Idolatry sets “I” up as god. Ask anyone who has come out of the abused end of an abusive relationship. They’ll say immediately, “Yes, my spouse/partner wanted my total obedience I was to be completely subservient to his/her will or I was disciplined (punished). I had no voice.” In essence, an abuser wants worshipped.

When abuse occurs, the abused as well as the abuser always has a choice. The abuser has a choice to repent of following the pride of Lucifer and setting themselves up as god (see Isaiah 14:12-17). The abused has the choice: Do I obey (worship) God or man? (see Acts 5:29)

Remember the temptation in the desert? Lucifer, now Satan, said to Jesus, “Fall down and worship me.” Jesus rebuked him completely, “The Lord your God, Him only will you serve” (Matthew 4:8-10).

Pornography also is a sin of idolatry. And Jesus said to even look at someone with lust (sexual fantasy) is also adultery (Matthew 5:28). He wants to expose the heart. He also wants us to understand how intensely God feels about idolatry/sexual immorality. Idols/lusts of the heart are equal in God’s eyes to the outward action.

Remember what the Apostle Paul said? He said, “How can we eat at the Lord’s table and the table of demons?” (I Corinthians 10:20-22) He said the table of demons is a symbol of idolatry. And he said we have to choose: whose side are we on? Are we going to serve God with a pure heart, or worship demons?

Did you know that the call to “put away” foreign wives in Ezra 9-10 and Nehemiah 13:23-29 was the only way back to holiness that the priests offered? In Old King James’ English, to “put away” meant to divorce. It’s the same verbiage that prophets used in calling people to “put away” the foreign gods among them. In the Old Testament, the Israelites were commanded to put strange wives from them because their foreign wives had introduced foreign gods (idols) into their homes. These men wept in grief, but did as they were commanded because of their deep desire to be right with the Lord. At that time, the children from these unions were considered contaminated by sin and were also put away (Ezra 10:1-3). In the New Testament, Paul declares such an action is not needed if the unbelieving partner is willing to stay because the children are consecrated by the believer (see I Corinthians 7:14).

Paul further writes that if the unbeliever chooses to depart, the believing spouse is not under bondage to remain in the marriage or under bondage of the Law’s condemnation (I Corinthians 7:15). We are not responsible for someone else’s choices.

However, there are times when an abusive or idolatrous partner refuses to leave. An abuser’s mentality views the spouse and children as “property.”  The status and control they have the relationship is exactly what feeds their ego, so they will use anything—whether physical battery or religious condemnation—to keep the other spouse in submission.

Dear Ones, the Holy Spirit is continually calling His people to purity and full submission to HIS Lordship. He will call us as a couple if we will listen, but He will honor our free will and call us as individuals if He sees that one partner is willing to submit but the other spouse continually hardens his/her heart to the conviction of the Holy Spirit (see Hebrews 3:7-13).

He calls us to “Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you” (II Corinthians 6:17). The Apostle Paul writes, “If the unbeliever is willing to stay, let him/her remain. Do not divorce them” (see I Corinthians 7:12-13). Why? Because God is drawing the hearts of the lost. But for those who “profess to know Christ but in works deny Him”, God has a stricter demand (see Titus 1:16 and Matthew 18:15-17). His convicting presence will confront that son or daughter until they repent or outright rebel. This rebellion will often escalate the religious abuse and any other abusive behavior against the people who dare bring accountability. In Jeremiah 44:15-27, Israelite men were confronted with allowing their wives to worship idols, but they refused to repent. They sided with their foreign wives, and Jeremiah told them that God would no longer speak to them.

Furthermore, the Apostle Paul states clearly in I Corinthians 5:11-13, “But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person…. Therefore, put away from yourselves the evil person.”

Dear Friends, are there ever circumstances where God grants permission for divorce, declaring it is no longer sin but rather a pursuit of holiness? I am answering a definite Yes. In cases where the refining process has brought one spouse to the Cross while the other spirals into darker idolatry: The answer is Yes.

Even more than that, in such cases, His “Yes” to divorce is an act of mercy.

In the Old Testament, a man or woman who deliberately defied God through idolatry or adultery was to be taken out and stoned (see Deuteronomy 13:6-10 and 22:22). In certain cases, where the offense was subtle yet malicious, the Lord smote the offender Himself. Think of Abigail’s cruel husband, Nabal, whom the Lord killed. Abigail then accepted David’s proposal of marriage (I Samuel 25:37-39). Think of Tamar’s marriages, where God struck down the men for their refusal to fulfill their God-ordained duty to her (Genesis 38:6-10).

Today, suffering spouses are crying out in their heart for God to protect them, cause a radical change of heart in their spouses, or get them out of a relationship that only hurts them over and over. Yet, as they seek counsel, there are still church leaders today who heap on shame and condemnation, contributing to men and women staying in marriages that are not marriage at all because the abuser has turned the union into a master-slave relationship. And the abused goes along with the sham to keep the outward appearance and avoid being labeled with a scarlet letter.

So Jesus in His mercy peels off the label “Marriage” and exposes the slavery and idolatry it’s turned into. And He reminds us of that Scripture, which says if a brother (or sister) has sinned against you and refuses to repent after the church has confronted him gently on the error of his ways, to treat such a one as an unbeliever (Matthew 18:15-17). And I believe—no, I know—that Jesus gently whispers, “I know the truth, little one. Don’t be afraid anymore. I’ve come to set the captive free” (Isaiah 61:1).

When we dare to believe, the yoke of oppression lifts as the last vestiges of our union dissolves like mist. Because the Holy Spirit can never be one with the demonic spirit that an unrepentant heart has embraced (see I Corinthians 6:15-17 and 10:14-22). So we are set free while the Father whispers, “I’ll pursue my lost son or daughter. I’ll never relent. How can I give them up? My compassion and pity overwhelm me!” (Hosea 11:7-9)

 And in His great mercy, He says, “Divorce” and relents from decreeing “Death.”

He wants to set two captives free.

But I can only make the choice for me.

Yet this realization leads us to our second weighty question: Is remarriage after divorce to someone other than the original spouse sin?

After all, Paul the apostle says that a spouse who separates or divorces is to remain single or reconcile the marriage (I Corinthians 7:10-11). If a divorced spouse(s) repents and shows a genuine change in attitude, word, and behavior then reconciliation is possible.  Even when God divorced Israel, His ultimate intention was to bring them back into union with Himself (Jeremiah 3:12-14).

But HOW was He going to bring them back? Not as idolaters (adulterers, addicts, abusers), for holiness cannot embrace uncleanness and light cannot fellowship with darkness (II Corinthians 6:14-16). Instead, God declared, “I will make a new covenant with you. I will put a new heart in you and give you a new spirit. I will write my laws on your heart so you will obey me and know me as the Lord” (see Ezekiel 36:25-27) In other words, God’s plan throughout history has been to redeem us out of darkness, purify Himself His own special people, and fellowship intimately with us by giving us as a chaste, pure bride to Christ (Ephesians 1:4-6, II Corinthians 11:2).

When we trust in Jesus’ redemptive work on the Cross, we are united with Him. We become “one spirit with Him” (I Corinthians 6:17). In this way, marriage represents the beautiful intimacy and union that God has created us to have with Him. Reconciliation and remarriage, therefore, would only occur after trust has been reestablished that both partners will pursue the Lord’s will and heart for marriage together.

But what about remarriage when the other partner remains single?

In today’s society, this question is generally waived but for those of us who want to be remarried (or have remarried) a Godly person, when we read the Word and because we have a deep longing to walk in the will of God, the first-glance answer provokes an intense pain. It would seem that, except in cases of out-and-out adultery, Jesus is sentencing us to a life spent waiting either for the original spouse to repent and genuinely change (which may never happen) or being single, even when we have children to raise and a God-given desire to experience what marriage was meant to be.

First, is there any hope of reconciliation? Second, what does mercy for the abused say?

As shown above, divorce in many cases is the Lord’s mercy. In cases of the 3 A’s, it is meant to bring freedom to a captive and not punishment.

In Romans 7:2-6, Paul explains how grace in Christ Jesus swallows up the requirements of the law. He explains it in the context of marriage: “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another—to Him who was raised from the dead that we should bear fruit to God. For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions which were aroused by the law were at work in our members to bear fruit to death. But now we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter.”

In other words, our union with darkness has ended. In fact, we’re the ones who have died to that old way of life! We’ve been buried with Christ and raised with Him, so Paul is able to exclaim with joy, “Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us” (Romans 8:33-34).

So then God does not deal with us according to the past but according to our present identity in Christ. We are beloved children of God, and “If God be for us, who can be against us? He who did not withhold His only Son but delivered Him for us all, who shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?” (Romans 8:31-32)

 Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” The glory of the New Covenant is that blessings are given, not earned. In fact, Paul says we’re foolish if we believe after we’re saved that we have to now earn the goodness of God in our lives (Galatians 3:1-3). Our Heavenly Father delights to lavish His love upon us, and because our righteousness is in Christ (and not by keeping a law-code), we can be confident that He will work all things together for good and withhold no good thing (I John 3:1, Galatians 2:16, Romans 8:32, Psalm 84:11).

This means we can trust our Father’s heart. We don’t have to go out there looking for a new spouse, for God promises to be our Husband always (Isaiah 54:5-6, Hosea 2:19-20). Neither do we have to live under condemnation, believing that because we’re divorced God can no longer bless us with a beautiful marriage (Romans 8:1-4). Jesus is a personal God, and He deals with us on an individual, unique, and specific basis. He speaks to us as individuals and leads us along the path He has created for us into a future He created for us before time again (John 10:27).