Utterly Empty

 It's been awhile since I've written anything. Change does that...brings a different focus and different outlet. A writer never stops loving writing, though, and God refreshes the seasons of the heart according to His purposes. 

A long time ago, my Daddy God spoke to my heart and those words reverberate through my soul again: the only responsibility of a child is to please her Father. It seems so simple and life tries to make it so complicated. I've pushed and prodded, using all the methods I learned in psychology, thinking these efforts would somehow create a different result. But in the end, after applying all the worldly ways of manipulating human behavior and reactions, I fall down at the feet of Jesus again, utterly spent and without capacity to change anything that matters, without the ability to make things right instead of wrong.

And I discover that utterly empty is exactly where God wants me to be. You see, our pastor put it so well in church today: a child is without capacity to do anything except what their parents provide. And that is where Jesus wants us--utterly dependent upon Him. He is the vine. We are the branches (John 15:5). But oh how quickly, I forget! I want to protect myself from hurt so I work the system and the emotions of myself and others. I try reward, punishment, promises, and threats. Oh Daddy, how tumultuous my heart and soul become when I'm always trying for the right angle to get the outcome I want when what You want is just one thing--Eyes on You. Focus on Your heart. Ears attentive to Your voice (Psalm 27:8). 

And if you ask me to love without holding back...to sacrifice without reservation...to forgive and give when it hurts oh so bad...then that's when I have to become a child again. A child who desires only one thing: just to please You. And when I do--when I let go and surrender and weep my love out as only love can weep--that's when I discover the peace that I've been missing. That's when the murky cloud of depression, despair and anger melts away from my mind and I see clearly: You are Love and Your love is all I need. If I'm hurt, You heal me. If I'm rejected, You wrap me in arms of pure Acceptance. If I'm broken, Your fingers alone knit me back together.

Amazingly, when I let go and leave myself empty before You and others, You work in those around me  and I see change where my ploys wreaked only havoc. You touch hearts and minds and souls and do what only You can do. You're the parent and I'm the child. And that's the only place I want to be.

Lungs Full of Wonder and Thanksgiving

I need to remember, to return, to breathe it in deep~
It's all about You. You. Jesus. Beloved. Savior. Friend.

You're the Breath I breathe, the Joy I dance, the Peace I hug tight to beating heart. The warm kiss of gratitude undone.

Oh, God!

How much You've given me: children, family, friends, home, work, play, eternity.

I choose to dance with You unfettered, unbound to worries, fears, anxieties, myriad cares of this world that seek to suck the life out of me.

Giving thanks, I know: You'll be there--that's all I need to look ahead and spin radiant Delight.
You're here now--that's all I need to fill my lungs and exhale bursting Joy.

How wonderful You are! God-Who-Put-on-Skin, transformed like we will one day be. Scars sinking into mine. Love unfurling exquisite Beauty, wrapped up in burning Light. And Despair can never, ever extinguish Perfect Love. You are Holy Flame torching this heart~transcendent to the aches and distortions and miscarriages of Paradise-robbed.

I live Surrender, and You become Laughter! A shout of Joy triumphant in the midst of chores and children and falling snow. You're Sanity and Safety and Reckless Abandon and Lion Roaring victory over my old enemies: Helplessness and Not-Enough and Too-Much.

I rejoice in Kingdom Presence and my enemies slither away!

You're madly in love with me and You made me exactly who I am and I give it all back to You--every missing piece, every stolen dream, every awe-filled moment when bare feet touch holy ground and Not Enough becomes God-All-Sufficient and Girl-Too-Much becomes Precious-and-Chosen, Ransomed-and-Redeemed, Called-and-Set-Free at my Father's knees.

Triumphant Reality

I don’t live in this reality.

I live in the Reality of my Father in Heaven. I don’t belong here.

I belong to my Redeemer who became a servant upon earth but rules from all eternity. When I live in this world, despair, self-pity, and fear flood my soul. When I lift my gaze to my Heavenly Bridegroom, joy, hope, and assurance pour into my heart. My mind is refreshed and renewed with Faithful Promises from Scripture and the sweet, gentle voice of the Holy Spirit.

He is in me. I am not my own (I Corinthians 6:19-20). I don’t belong to myself any more than I belong to the world or people like me. I belong to a Risen Savior, a Resurrected Christ who never sinned and didn’t stay in the grave. He defeated death and the fear of death for me. Hallelujah! “Oh, death where is your sting? Oh grave, where is your victory?” (I Corinthians 15:55).

I don’t belong here. I walk in flesh and blood, but this body is a garment that I’ll one day put off and exchange for immortality (II Corinthians 5:1-4). In the meantime, my spirit is being rejuvenated every day, transformed into the glory of God as I throw open wide the doors of my mind and heart to Him—His Presence, His Truth (II Corinthians 3:18). Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). He is a Person, and He is passionately pursuing intimacy with every person He created.

The Bible says, “Let all those rejoice who put their trust in You! Let them ever shout for Joy because You defend them. Let those also who love Your name be joyful in You. For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous. With favor You will surround him as with a shield” (Psalm 5:11-12).

Do you hear the exuberance in that? The utter triumph? David is rejoicing with all his might—David who brought down Goliath and hid from Saul for years before he was anointed king. God fulfilled His promise, but David learned to worship when nothing was going well. His wife and children were stolen, his men wanted to stone him, the Israelite army pursued him. How could he rejoice? What was going right? His relationship with God! His favor! His anointing! David believed in the faithful love of God, and he rejoiced in it!

Even later in his life, after he became king, circumstances seldom went smooth. He fell to temptation, his favorite son rebelled, his other sons were slain by an older brother. His land was plagued by an angel of judgment when he became proud and numbered the able-bodied men. God was moved by David’s heart, though, and forgave him and intervened time and again. And in the midst of it all, David praised the Lord. He LOVED the Presence of God. He knew that in God only were joy and pleasure found (Psalm 16:11).

David lived in a reality above the earthly realm. And he learned how to worship in the very middle of disaster and touch the Father’s heart. He knew how greatly the Father longed to fellowship with him, and he recognized rightly that the blood of animal sacrifices could never take away his sin. Rather, a broken and contrite heart releases mercy from the heart of God (Psalm 51:16-17).

Jesus said, “I Am”(John 8:58). He is the Reality Today that we’re called to abide in. Abide: Make our home, dwell, rest, remain. Why? Because He is the safety we crave. He is the Joy, the Peace, the Delight, the Freedom, and the Strength we desperately need.

We look for pleasure in sex, material possessions, games, and addictions. We look for strength in intelligence, body building, and weapons. We look for peace in compromise, control, and global treaties. But none of these things satisfy. Why? Because we were made for more. More goodness. More holiness. More glory than this world can imagine or ever offer. Only Jesus can.

All we have to do to receive these precious gifts is embrace His reality. Really. Just walk in. His arms are open and all the hosts of Heaven are holding their breath…

Waiting.

A New Wardrobe

I’m not much into clothes shopping. 

In fact, I don’t like shopping much at all except for my kids at Christmas time and when their active play puts holes in their jeans a lot sooner than growth spurts put their shirts into storage. My unconcern with staying in style means that my personal wardrobe consists mostly of items given to me by my mom and sister who enjoy using their fashion sense to help me out.

So it comes as a huge blessing to find out that my Heavenly Father is also intent on helping me dress in style—heaven’s style! My wonderful Daddy tells me in His Word that He’s selected the right wardrobe for me. His tags don’t read Calvin Klein or Levi Strauss. His handmade garments come crafted by the Holy Spirit. Eugene Peterson, in The Message Bible, translates Colossians 3:12-14 this way:

So chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgiven an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

These qualities are reflective of the fruit of the Spirit. And there’s more:

             God has given us “the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Is 61:3).

             “He has clothed me with the garments of salvation…the robe of righteousness.” (Is 61:10).

He has also provided the right shoes so we can be “shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace” (Eph 6:15).

Eugene Peterson offers us an even more spectacular picture in his translation of Ephesians 5:26-27 where he writes, “Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant in holiness.”

Wow. I want to be dressed in Christ’s wardrobe every day. And that means spending time with Him, letting His presence drape me with the robes of compassion, mercy, and grace.

We abide in God's presence as we lift our thoughts up to Him—every worry, every fear, every hurt, every need, every delight. When we do this, our entire thought life is transformed into communion with God. And that transformation affects far more than our thoughts. It influences the whole of our personality, attitude, actions, and demeanor.

The psalmist wrote, “In Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16:11). Dressing in our new wardrobe--the one created for the new "us"--fills us with incredible delight in our Heavenly Father who sees all that we need and gives us His very best.

F.F. Bruce declares with laughter, “God’s peace is joy resting. His joy is peace dancing.” Yes, Holy Spirit, weave faith, hope, and love into my tunic of salvation so that it sparkles with glorious, insuppressible joy and peace!!!