Poem to a Dear Friend

by Ayrian Stone, May 2009

 

You have a ministry and I have a ministry,

and in some ways our ministries intersect.

May we always build one another up

and never let envy tear us down.

Our passions are all for Him,

the same One who’s won our souls.

He guides our paths and moves our feet

as His vision for our lives unfolds.

Your life is there and mine is here,

and at times the world seems small.

Thank you, sister, my joyful friend,

for giving the King your all.

Fragments

by Ayrian Stone, October 2010

 

Broken bread

                Of my fragile life lies strewn.

Fragments littered,

                Scattered across wind-tossed fields.

Birds scratch and peck

                At the crumbs discarded, disregarded.

Heart hurting, aching

                With a loss so great, I mourn.

But less is more

                When others gain. Dear poor

And starving souls

                Clutch with feeble fingers

Small, torn morsels—

                Price of obedience—offered free.

My winter’s scraps

                Nourish now from woundedness

More than my existence fed

                When I was strong and whole.

 

Goliath

by Ayrian Stone, September 2009


I just encountered a giant, and it wasn’t what I expected.

I just ran face to face with an idol, and I didn’t recognize it.

Chains snapped ‘round my wrists. Despair twisted into my heart.
Demands issued from the idol’s mouth: “Bow down and feed me,

Offer the best of what you have, and I’ll shred it to pieces.

Then ask you to do it again. I’ll take and maybe give,

But only if you please me and serve me whatever I ask.”

Then slowly I began to awaken, like a dreamer from a clogging dream.

Gentleness murmured my name, drew me with grace-filled hands.

Who is it I’m serving? Who is it I should fear?

Not a pride-made goliath, not a devouring, soul-hungry giant.

I adore the Lord my God. Before Him only will I bow.

Ah, the breath of freedom! The joy of release sweeps in!

I spin on the road of liberty, mercy abounding, lovely and sweet.

Christ alone commands my future—I’ll worship and glory at His holy feet.

Belief and Praise

In October, 2001, I miscarried a little girl. I didn’t get to see her perfectly formed in this world, but I did see her beautiful and glorious in heaven. You see, my Daddy, who feels our every grief, gave me a vision of this child He created. She was standing in the courts of heaven, arms upraised, praising God and worshipping Him…a beautiful teenage girl arrayed in white.

Psalm 45 says, “Listen, O daughter, consider and incline your ear. Forget your own people also and your father’s house; so the King will greatly desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, worship Him…The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace, her clothing is woven with gold. She shall be brought to the King in robes of many colors. The virgins, her companions who follow her, shall be brought to You. With gladness and rejoicing they shall be brought; they shall enter the King’s palace.”

Like my daughter Praise, we too are called to seek the face of the King with purity and joy, with abandoned worship praise regardless of our circumstances. We are created for His Presence, just like she was, though we go through the struggles of living in a sin-torn world.

When my Papa God showed me Praise in heaven, peace flooded my weeping heart and He promised that He would give me more children (my son, Asaph, was one years old at the time). My faith was small, but I knew my Daddy had spoken. I rejoiced in the healing His presence brought. However, as a month went by, I began to demand that I get pregnant NOW. You see, when God speaks a word sometimes He fulfills it immediately but sometimes He seeks to heal other areas, refine our character, and strengthen our faith as we wait.

On December 28, 2001, two months before I became pregnant with my daughter, Jirah, I wrote in my journal: “Where are my dreams gone? Scattered like dust over a thousand hilltops. Yet here I will stand as the strong winds beat against me. What is the one thing I have left? There is hope in You. Within the circle of Your arms, I stay. In the circumference of Your love, I dwell. Here now I see are the things I so desperately clung to pulled away. You hold them in readiness, appoint them in Your plan. Nothing is lost from Your hand and neither will I be if I quiet my soul in You. Lord, be my magnificent obsession.”

I could have written these lines all over again yesterday. Why? Because I see people with the blessings that God has promised me. In 2001, I saw other people with babies and children and resentment swelled from hidden cavities inside me. I wanted what they had and it wasn’t right that God wasn’t fulfilling His promise. But God’s ways are better than ours and just like back then, I have to hand my brokenness, my anger, and my self-pity to Him.

Have you received a promise from the Lord? Have you heard Daddy whisper your name and say He’ll move heaven and earth to bless you because He loves you so much? Believe Him, Beloved. Even when every  fiery dart of the enemy wants to lodge itself in your heart, don’t give up. Keep pressing into Jesus’ heart. Seek Papa’s face. Don’t turn away from what He’s said or veer off course to try to regain control. We want what Jesus wants for us, and He has perfect timing. Love on Jesus!!!

“When destiny pushes you to the edge of desperation and the limits of your abilities, cast your future into the hands of God and take a leap of faith! Begin by focusing on Him, and ‘dance with the One who brought you on this date with destiny’.” –Finding Favor with the King, Tommy Tenney

Vision and Surrender

I had a vision of a baby crying. A newborn wailing. In my hands, the beautiful infant screamed with all his might against the travail of birth. And with my two hands, I lifted this precious child up to God. To my Daddy who knows the purpose for every delivery, the far-reaching reason behind every conception.

Like the process of reproduction, visions are given by our Father. They are conceived out of intimacy with Him. They are sustained through nourishing upon the Word of God. They can be aborted through fear, doubt, and anger. Miscarriages happen when our faith is too anemic to sustain a vision too big for us to fulfill, and visions, like babies, are too often sacrificed upon the altars of immediate self-gratification and religious misunderstandings. In our desperate need to see God act NOW, we forget that God is slow and patient, at work in our lives to mature us in our faith and our dependence on Him.

Yet, when we worship as we wait, the embryotic vision faithfully develops under Abba’s supernatural care. In faith that delivery will come, we prepare for the infant to enter the world for others to rejoice with us. Then in humility, we give the vision back to God when it emerges into the open. For a God-given vision to produce the fruit He intended, it must be given back to God again and again.

So what has God conceived in your heart through intimate encounters with Him? What has He nourished in you as you spend time in His word? What have you given to Him time and again in the deepest places in your heart? And, dear one, what has He resurrected when you surrendered all to Him?

Poems for Jesus

One Small Farthing

By Ayrian Stone, April 2002

To the One who made me, You give me all I have.

Now I lay these gifts down at Your feet and wonder—is this all?

I planned to give You mountains, warehouses full of gold,

Boats full of untold riches—not a farthing dull and old.

I watch the coin fall in Your hands through a sheen of tears.

How can my gift be worthy, though I labored through the years?

“My child,” gentle You speak, Your voice so calm and tender,

"What is gained through love and trust is worth a million islands.

Your service lowly may have been, but worth far more is this—

You did it ever for My name and your gaze it held My face.

Your joy depended on My own and your labor never hesitated.

One small farthing—that is all—but how great your gift to Me.

I love you, Child, now and ever. Come, live eternally.”

Finding Prayer

By Ayrian Stone, 2011

Sunshine warm upon my face—this is prayer.

Raindrops lighting on my skin—this is prayer.

Breezes blowing on my frame—this is prayer.

Every day an act of worship—this is prayer.

Loving You and loving others—this is prayer.

Kneeling, standing, bending, walking—these are prayer.

Hugging, holding, touching, talking—these are prayer.

Happy moments, spacious breathing—all around is prayer.

Joyful thoughts and desperate pleas —in this moment, prayer.

Retching, crying, bleeding, fighting—even these are prayer.

Watching, waiting, sighing, staying—all I do is prayer.

To Walk With Jesus

By Ayrian Stone, February 2000

I want to walk with Jesus more so every day,

To hold His hand and go with Him along life’s narrow way.

I want  to find new graces and open chapters in my life.

There are routes that need exploring as I give up all for Christ.

I want to see His workmanship and the artwork of His hand.

How precious just to walk beside Him, to abide within His plan.

I want to walk with Jesus, to follow where He goes.

For the road will lead me far away from the places I used to know.

Oh, to walk with Jesus, to surrender at His side,

To learn the trade of grow and reap, and find the strength to die.

Yes, I’ll walk with Jesus, a sickle in my hand.

There’s a harvest out there waiting—and few who understand.

Arm Wrestling God

“A Man wrestled with Jacob until the breaking of day…” Genesis 32:24

Recently the Lord showed me a picture of Him and me seated at a table across from each other. He smiled as He placed His elbow on the table, arm propped forward, fingers spread. He said, “Arm wrestle Me.”

In shock, I said, “I don’t want to wrestle You. You’ll win!” His eyes danced with merriment. “That’s not the point. Arm wrestle Me.” So I placed my elbow on the table and gripped Jesus’ hand. When I did, He exerted only a small amount of His strength. I pushed against Him, but I knew that the moment He applied all the strength of His arm, I’d go down in a flash.

As we wrestled against each other’s grips, warmth saturated my hand from the heat in His. Love radiated from His eyes, and suddenly I knew—the point of this encounter wasn’t to beat God or convince Him of anything. The point was to be in a relationship with Him, one that was intimate and personal, and to know the power of His strength.

Love burst forth in my heart for Him and all I wanted was to be in His arms. In that moment, our touch ceased to be competitive and became that of Lovers. I swept my thumb against His skin in an intimate caress.

Instantly, He leveled my arm as the fire in His eyes changed to that of fervent desire. He stood and walked around that table, pulling me right into the cradle of tenderness against His chest and the safety of His arms.

“Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip…” Genesis 32:25

In His relationship with us, God is a gentleman. He will be a gentleman even when it means that it looks like we’re stronger than Him. He’ll let us 'defeat' Him, let us do things our way, and even let us go about boasting that we're tougher than Him. He’ll stand and watch as we walk up to the neighborhood bully or the biggest thug on the block and brag about how strong and skilled we are, about how we’ve even beat God. Then Jesus watches soberly as the thug takes us down.

Have you been there? Has life hit you in the face? Have circumstances flattened you on the back? Are the wounds and bruises still aching on the inside of you? Rest assured: God isn’t cruel. He examines our hearts and sees what we've been trusting in, outside of Him. He’s waiting for us to come back to Him and ask Him to defeat our enemies for us. But will we? Would you ask someone you believe to be weaker than you to stand up for you? Doubtful.

But then God murmurs again, “Arm wrestle Me.” Anger flares, and we demand, “Why? So you can beat  me when I’m down?” God says, “Arm wrestle Me.” So we do, in the hope that we’re still stronger than somebody.

And this time He doesn’t let us win.

In our pride, we think, “It’s just because I’m so weak. I’ve been beaten up by life. I need to recover.” So God lets us regain our strength. In fact, He fosters it. He nurtures us and feeds us, shelters us and medicates us. Then He says again, “Arm wrestle Me.” So we do. This time, He lets us almost beat Him. We use all our strength—every ounce of it. Then He takes us down.

He does this over and over and over again. Why? Because every good trainer knows that muscles have to be conditioned to gain strength. They have to be exercised and manipulated and massaged. Then God says, “Arm wrestle Me.” It’s the final test. He knows it’s time. Time for us to realize just how strong He is.

We’re strong now too. We know it. We can feel the force of our strength. In fact, we’ve been wrestling some smaller bullies and taking them down. But there’s still that big thug. Are we strong enough to stand up to him and not get taken down? So we take God’s challenge. We exert all our strength. We pour out sweat and blood and suddenly it dawns on us: As we’re sweating and struggling and intensely fighting Him—He’s just playing with us.

His eyes begin dancing once again. He starts laughing, rejoicing, delighting in our health and strength. Wonder grows in our heart, spills out from our lips. “Jesus…Jesus…You’re that strong?”

“Yes, Child. Yes, I’m that strong. And now—I will defeat your enemy for you. Do you want Me to?”

Our whole heart expands. We breathe the air of sudden, amazing freedom. “Yes, Daddy! Yes! I know how strong You are now. I know that if I try on my own again, that thug will call all his cronies and they’ll gang up on me and blindside me. But they can’t do that to You. That thug will go down in an instant when You take him on. Yes, Daddy, be my Defender, my Bodyguard, my Lifesaver, and my Friend!”

And God does what He’s always promised to do: He takes down the villain, the bad guy, the tormenting bully in our story. And we realize in that moment, with the thug thrashing in death throes on the floor, that we need never be afraid again.

Hallelujah! Our God is that strong!!!

“The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1